I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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