Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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