I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
