I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
