you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
