forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
