I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
