you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
