loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
