I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
