Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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