4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
