he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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