does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
