I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
