I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so let's talk penis.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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