Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
