ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
