am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
