dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
