dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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