i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
