he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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