it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
