i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
