dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
