he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
