The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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