I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
