Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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