yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
