mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
