Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
