What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
