WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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