I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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