Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
someone owes me an orgasm
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
