Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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