so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
