if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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