just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
