it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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