did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
