Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
