OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
