I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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