i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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