We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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