If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
