There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I believe in your delicious
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
