DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
