I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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