there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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