someone threw a dead crab at me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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