I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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