a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
