Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Don't make out with my wife yet
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
