the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
