this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
