Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize