Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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