i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
