Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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