3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
