forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
