Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
