Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
its not stalking. its research.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
