I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
