My first STD was from a foam party
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
