but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
