Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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