Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
