We named our party play list daddy issues
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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