Pants 0. Shit 1.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
