My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
