I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
