Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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