I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
