if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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